


COTRB (Conversation on the Row Boat)

by admiralty



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Marriage Proposal, Post-Movie: The X-Files: I Want To Believe (2008)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-20 04:53:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15526467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/admiralty/pseuds/admiralty
Summary: Mulder and Scully discuss how marriage could possibly make sense for them.





	COTRB (Conversation on the Row Boat)

**Author's Note:**

> I love the idea that Mulder and Scully had gotten married at some point, especially considering Mulder's pointed "For better or for worse" he leveled at Scully in the limo during "My Struggle 1." So in my mind, it happened. But I wanted it to feel like something they would actually do, since they seem to repel tradition. This conversation takes place after they became engaged (for that story, read [chapter 15 of "Culmination"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14748734/chapters/34426004)).

**MULDER**

**(2008)**

 

The pull of the oars in the water felt like a heart monitor, rhythmic and life-affirming, and Mulder closed his eyes and made it happen stroke by stroke, his arms moving the two of them further and further from the shore. It did feel like a new life, a new beginning, although life before her seemed like an eternity ago, distant and superfluous.

He felt contentment right now, something approaching satisfaction, although he wondered in the back of his mind if he’d ever completely reach it; if he’d ever find the answers he’d been searching for.

Today he got an important answer from Scully, though. After years of saying no she had finally agreed to marry him. He knew she would eventually, and her repeated refusals only urged him on more. He figured she knew this about him, of course she did, and had refused multiple times to make certain he was serious.

He was serious, dead serious. Marriage may have been something she found unnecessary but it was something he had always imagined, something he knew he wanted. He’d pictured it with her, many times. She might never believe it but he did. The home he’d imagined settling down in was always theirs. And definement, real definement of their relationship to the outside world was important to him.

They’d had enough ambiguity over the years. He wanted clarity. He wanted the world to know they belonged to each other, for once and for all.

He watched her now, as she sunbathed at the other end of the rowboat. She stretched back with her eyes closed and he knew she was enjoying everything about this situation: the freedom most of all. They were both free to live their lives the way they wanted to. After years of hiding, it felt like they were finally breaking the surface, gasping for breath.

He marveled at her unwavering devotion to him. How difficult it must have been to stay with him all this time, when she didn’t have to. She was truly his constant, never failing, never giving up. She made his loneliness go away a long time ago, and today she had said yes to never allowing it to come back.

“I feel like now that we’re officially engaged I can tell you how silly I think all this is,” her voice suddenly came, piercing the silence and gentle lapping of water against the side of the boat.

He grinned. “Silly or not, you said yes. You’re stuck with me forever. Til’ death do us part.”

“That’s exactly why it’s silly,” she pointed out. “If literal, actual death couldn’t keep us apart, a piece of paper seems flimsy to me.”

“It’s not just a piece of paper, and I don’t think of it that way, Scully.”

She held her hand up above her eyes, squinting at him. “You’re a goddamn romantic, Mulder. How did that happen?”

“I’ve always been romantic. You just never noticed.”

She looked thoughtful for a moment. “The sparkler in the Snoball was romantic,” she agreed. “I even thought so at the time. But I also remember thinking it was so unlike you.”

He looked down at the bottom of the boat and focused on a puddle that sloshed around with each pull of the oars.

“That was… something else, actually,” he admitted.

“What do you mean?”

He shrugged. “Maybe guilt.” He looked up at her. “You were dying. I was… flailing. It felt like every moment wasn’t enough. And I couldn’t do anything else for you at the time.”

A sadness flickered across her eyes. “Oh, Mulder,” she said quietly. She leaned forward and put her hand on his knee. “I honestly didn't think too much about how you were feeling at the time. I guess that’s the thing about cancer. I could sense the end coming, quickly. I... reflected inward.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to know this, but it felt like part of me was dying, too. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

She could only listen.

“I think that’s why this is so important to me.  I’m bound to you, Scully. And you to me. In every possible way. We’ve been friends for so long, I feel like we haven’t gotten a chance to honor the other aspects of our relationship. Even if it is only a piece paper, it’s really all we have left to do.”

“Wow. You really _are_ a romantic.”

“Okay,” he said. “Now you say something. Rowing and talking about _silly_ things is getting exhausting.”

“Then stop for a minute, Mulder.” She reached out and put her hand over his, slowing down the boat. “I need to explain myself.”

He stopped, and the boat glided across the water slowly, spinning this way and that, directionless. He wasn’t sure where this conversation was headed, either.

“When you brought up the idea of marriage, the first few times,” she smiled, “I honestly wasn’t sure about your motives. I thought you were doing it just because it was something you knew I’d want, in some other normal life that wasn’t ours.” She took his other hand and held them both, face to face, across their knees.

“But after a while I knew you weren’t going to give up. You kept asking, and asking, until I realized maybe it was something you wanted too. As much as our partnership changed over the years this was never something I imagined happening with us. Even in the happiest times.”

He looked shocked. “Really? Never?”

“Okay, maybe I imagined it a couple times. But... it’s hard to explain. It never felt right to me. Most couples look at marriage as the goal, the finish line. With us, I never saw it that way. In my eyes we’ve already crossed that line. So when I say this whole thing feels silly, that’s what I mean.”

He squeezed her hands and gently rubbed her thumb with his and nodded, smiling.

“I get it. In a weird way it feels like step backwards,” he said.

“Maybe not backwards. Maybe just… to the side,” she reasoned.

“We’ve done everything else backwards, Scully. We saw each other naked plenty of times before we actually had sex. We tried to make a baby together before I ever kissed you.”

 _We actually had a baby together before we even said “I love you,”_ he thought to himself.

Scully looked away from him, and out to the water. He fell quiet and started rowing again, leaving any talk of William to scatter away across the ocean. It wasn’t a topic they would address today. It wasn’t a topic they ever addressed, not really. Scully rarely brought him up, and Mulder felt it was best to leave it be. Try to be as happy as they possibly could without him.

He wondered, as he often did, if having more children together would ever come up between them. He didn’t want to cause her pain. He only wanted what she wanted, and she never talked about it. The obvious infertility issue notwithstanding, there were other ways to have children. But would it feel like replacing the one they’d lost? Could he ever be replaced in their hearts?

It felt wrong somehow to hope they’d have a family someday. He felt incredibly guilty about wishing for such a thing after everything Scully had gone through with William. But he did want it. He’d experienced fatherhood for two short days. It wasn’t enough.

He was too afraid of her reaction if he asked about it. He had too much to lose. That conversation would have to wait for another time.

“Hey Scully? You okay?”

She looked back at him and smiled. “I’m happy, Mulder. Thank you for bringing me here.”

“You’re welcome. I hope it’s bright enough for you.” He squinted a bit.

_As far away from the darkness as we can get._

After she had completed the treatments for Christian Fearon successfully, it was the happiest he’d ever seen her. He’d gone into his office, plucked his old globe from the closet and spun it around until he’d found the place that was literally the furthest they could possibly get away: the Maldives. So here they were.

“So where do you want to get married, Scully?”

She looked at him. “Oh, it doesn’t matter to me. As long as you’re there.”

“I would be surprised by that answer but you don’t seem like the type to have chair covers picked out.”

“Chair covers, Mulder?” she raised an eyebrow.

“It’s a thing! I might have done a little research.”

“Well, what do you want to do?” she asked.

“To be honest, after all the stuff I looked at it made me just want to take a nap.”

She chuckled. “I agree. I’m not planning a wedding, Mulder. Who the hell would we invite, anyway?”

“Hmm. I think our wedding guest list would consist of your mom, Skinner, and maybe the delivery guy from Alfredo’s.”

She laughed. There was only one pizza place that would deliver to their house and they’d gotten used to the same guy turning up every time.

“My brother, as long as we leave out the line where people are allowed to object.”

“This is a happy place, Scully, no Bill Juniors allowed here,” he laughed.

“I do want my mom there,” she said suddenly. “I think she would love to be there.”

“Of course. Done.”

He really couldn’t think of anyone else he’d want there. Maybe this would all be much easier than he’d anticipated.

“What do you say we just head over to the courthouse, Scully? How much more romantic could we get?”

“I don’t hate that idea at all,” she said. “It’s very… us.”

“Then it’s settled,” he grinned. “You, me, and your mom. As soon as we get back.”

She smiled and leaned back again.

“Do you think we rely too much on each other, Mulder? I mean, do you think it’s unhealthy? I wonder that from time to time.”

“Probably,” he conceded. “But it’s our lot in life. I’m glad you’re the one I got stuck with.”

“I’m glad too, Mulder. There’s a lot here, between us. A lot,” she emphasized. “Everything feels like it should be so complicated when I know, in the end, it should just be about us. You and me, always. _That’s_ what the marriage stuff is about. And that’s important, for you and me. I get that now. So thank you. Thank you for asking me, a dozen times. Thank you for not giving up. And thank you for bringing me here.”

“Anytime, Scully,” he said. They rowed a bit longer until they heard a helicopter approaching from far away. It was headed straight for them.

“Uh… Scully? You think they changed their minds? They waited until I took you on vacation to swoop in and take me out?” he grinned.

“They don’t care about you anymore, Mulder. I’m sorry.”

He gave her a pout. “I feel so ignored.”

She held her hand above her eyes and squinted at the helicopter. “It actually is one of ours,” she noticed. “THU. A hostage situation in the Maldives?”

He shrugged. “Not out of the realm of extreme possibility.”

“Maybe they _are_ here for you, Mulder.”

“Maybe we should wave.”

They did.


End file.
